I believe that to be a great coach, one has to be able to deal with one’s own darkness first.

And I may (1) be young, but trust me, I have seen A LOT.

I have faced:

• Major lack of motivation for most of my adult life (2),
• Years of being isolated and with no friends in my teens,
• Emotional challenges as a highly sensitive person (HSP)
• Physical injuries making me unable to do sports for most of my adult life,
• Chronic burnout for years which ended to complete and extreme burnout which made me unable to do pretty much anything for 1.5 years due to extreme physical tensions (including work, study, reading, games)
• A life-threatening bone-illness taking me to a wheelchair and worse in a matter of months
• just to name a few.

1. Literal translation of my name is paradoxically also May, the fifth month of the year.

2. Which paradoxically eased only after the first ones started…

Who can benefit from coaching?

Coaching can be of benefit for most life’s challenges and aspirations. However, if you fit one of the following groups, I may have particularly good expertise regarding your situation based on my previously described dark challenges as well as my work with other people.

• People who want to work through certain challenging personal issues (1) including
  • self-criticism and hatred
  • obsessive thoughts and behaviors
  • workaholism and burnout
  • sense of isolation
  • psychological pain caused by illnesses
  • procrastination
  • anxiety
  • grief/low mood/feelings of depression
  • stress
  • trauma
  • lack of motivation
  • lack of feeling of self-worth.
  • Physical illness and disabilities
  • Pain and challenges related to being a highly sensitive person (HSP)
  • Pain and challenges related to being an activist and doing risky actions for the benefit of all sentient beings.
• People who seek for a personal growth in various domains including
  • Increase confidence and assertiveness
  • Deepen your ability to relate to others
  • Develop your spiritual awareness or meditation practice
• People who have had bad experiences in any time of one on one coaching or therapy and are reluctant to try again.
  • There are many different forms of coaching. Even though your previous experiences have been bad, you can still make positive steps forward with the right approach. The internal family systems (IFS) approach is unique in the sense that it combines a razor-sharp focus on emotional causes of issues with a sensitivity to a client’s needs that is unlike what I have experienced in other methods. Even further than that, my particular approach informed by IFS, has been praised in particular for its even further gentleness and sensitiveness. To be fair, I started doing it this way originally because standard IFS prompts felt too direct and pushing to me and I needed an even more appreciating and open way in order to make a connection between different motivations and parts within me. So even if you feel like no previous coach has been able to do it right for you, I recommend giving this a try.

Other than these I have also worked with many people with other personal issues and aspirations. Based on this my experience is that whatever the issue is, approaching different motivations and emotional needs behind this issue/aspiration has almost always brought more clarity and or healing. So if you feel unsure, I recommend giving coaching a shot.

1. However, it is important to note that I am not a medically trained therapist and if I face something that is beyond my limits it is my responsibility to recommend another expert with more appropriate expertise.

How coaching happens – “Appreciate your dark sides” coaching in a nutshell

In coaching, my goal is to provide support to you with your capacities to take better steps forward. In practice, this means that I let you tell me freely about your aspirations and challenges. And then we decide the best way to address these. 

Often my coaching can be like being in therapy, (or particularly like in IFS therapy – as demonstrated in this video) sometimes it is something else. I ask you questions and hold a warm space where you can start appreciating gently and safely both dark and light motivations and parts of you. By doing this you learn to stay and access a space where you can feel peace, happiness, and compassion towards yourself and others. Instead of being afraid or running away from your dark pain, motivations, and parts, you learn to hold your ground. You learn to listen with appreciation to each voice within you and make reasoned and wise steps to address your challenges and aspirations. 

What does coaching look like – a typical coaching session

In coaching, I am here to support you and your capacities to take better steps forward. I highly emphasize a welcoming atmosphere. A typical coaching session with a client follows the steps outlined below (after a short period of small-talk/starting conversation)

1. Free talk about aspirations and challenges (and any updates)
2. You decide what part / challenge / aspiration we want to focus on today
3. Short meditative practice
4. Inner work with appreciation towards your motivations/parts (using different therapeutic modalities (see my influences)  e.g. in case of IFS as illustrated in this video ) – This is the main part of the session where most healing and growth can happen.
5. Meditative ending and appreciation towards all motivations/parts
6. Feedback and suggestions for future sessions

My 3 golden rules for coaching

• All of my coaching is based on things that I have seen evidence of working for others and which have been helpful for me. I don’t do stuff that I don’t trust in my bones.
• While I drive from my experience and evidence my role in coaching is to hold space for you and support you in your aspirations. I have met numerous therapists and coaches who think they know what their clients need to do and either directly push them or indirectly lead them towards that outcome. I know from my personal experience how traumatizing that can be and therefore my key priority is to not be that kind of coach. So even if I feel in my bones that something would be right for you, I think you have the deepest wisdom to know if that is truly correct or not.
• While I am here for you fully, I know where my limitations are. I am not a medically trained therapist. Also, the method I am competent at (“Appreciating your dark (and light) parts coaching” – inspired and similar to the internal family systems method) despite being helpful for most psychological issues has its boundaries. Therefore, if I think what I see is beyond my limits I have it as my responsibility to recommend other people with better expertise regarding your situation.